Turn Resentment into Appreciation!

Building Couple Time Tip: 

Feeling Misunderstood and Resentful?

Turn Resentment into Appreciation! 

Are you a tired parent with baby and/or toddler who often feels misunderstood and resentful towards your partner?  

It’s not your fault!  Many couples like you struggle with feeling resentful and tired.  There are so many competing priorities when you are taking care of your young children, your relationship, work issues, and so on. 

What can be done? 

I recently coached a working mom, with a toddler how to say what was on her heart and mind to her husband rather than shutting down and not asking for help.  Prior to this, you better believe that her husband was feeling the tension and resentment that she was quietly throwing at him. 

I worked with her on how to step back, tune in, and take a look at what was underneath her resentment.  Tired parents are often on override with their hectic schedules that go along with taking care of young children.  

As she stepped back and looked inside herself, she realized that she was feeling overwhelmed, like, “she had to do it all”, and that her partner had no clue.  She also needed help, but didn’t know how to ask for help. 

I asked her if she had shared her feelings with her husband since he can’t read her mind, even though the tension could be cut with a knife.  She said no.  Aha!  Here’s where the work begins. 

I coached her to share with her husband what she was feeling and thinking, and I coached him to listen to her with curiosity and interest. 

Voila!  As he listened and reflected back what he heard her saying, she felt, “seen, acknowledged, validated, and cared about”.  The beauty of this is that he didn’t even have to agree with her, he just needed to let her know he was listening to her by literally repeating back her words and feelings.

She went from feeling resentful to really appreciating her partner! 

Please comment below how you tried out this strategy and share with you Building Couple Time Community below. 

Here’s to appreciation,

Lori